Backyard Aquaponics
A place to discuss aquaponics

A young ventriloquist is touring Essex and, one night, he's doing a show in a small town. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.

Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting, "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the colour of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as people. Its people like you that make others think Blondes are thick! You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general...pathetically all in the name of humour!"

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells,

"You stay out of this! I'm talking to that little shit on your lap!"

Hey Wickham, just a side issue... did they ever re-open the pub up there?

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Mr Damage - a.k.a: Yabbies

No Pub, but PI is currently building a $3 million lifestyle centre on the old pub site, and we all know the "lifestyle" up here.... so fingers crossed.

STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0% ON AN EXAM




I would have given him 100%

Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die?
* his last battle


Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
* at the bottom of the page


Q3. River Ravi flows in which state?
* liquid


Q4. What is the main reason for divorce?
* marriage


Q5. What is the main reason for failure?
* exams


Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast?
* Lunch & dinner


Q7. What looks like half an apple?
* The other half


Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what will it become?
* It will simply become wet


Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ?
* No problem, he sleeps at night.


Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
* You will never find an elephant that has only one hand..


Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ?
* Very large hands


Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
* No time at all, the wall is already built.


Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
*Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.

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Try to be the person your dog thinks you are.

Same just happened in Newman, some guy bought the pub 2 or 3 years ago for $5M... Rio Tinto just paid him $30M or $31M for it, to bulldoze the pub and build accomodation... not a bad ROI.

Not exactly a joke I know, very serious stuff bulldozing a pub!...but surely still deserves to be on the joke thread!... I mean seriously...$31M... it's gotta be a joke!

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Mr Damage - a.k.a: Yabbies

Dummies guide to what went wrong in Europe (and the USA)

Helga is the proprietor of a bar.
She realizes that virtually all of her customers are unemployed alcoholics and, as such, can no longer afford to patronize her bar.
To solve this problem, she comes up with a new marketing plan that allows her customers to drink now, but pay later.
Helga keeps track of the drinks consumed on a ledger (thereby granting the customers’ loans).
Word gets around about Helga’s “drink now, pay later” marketing strategy and, as a result, increasing numbers of customers flood into Helga’s bar. Soon she has the largest sales volume for any bar in town.
By providing her customers freedom from immediate payment demands, Helga gets no resistance when, at regular intervals, she substantially increases her prices for wine and beer, the most consumed beverages.
Consequently, Helga’s gross sales volume increases massively.
A young and dynamic vice-president at the local bank recognizes that these customer debts constitute valuable future assets and increases Helga’s borrowing limit.
He sees no reason for any undue concern, since he has the debts of the unemployed alcoholics as collateral!!!
At the bank’s corporate headquarters, expert traders figure a way to make huge commissions, and transform these customer loans into DRINKBONDS.
These “securities” then are bundled and traded on international securities markets.
Naive investors don’t really understand that the securities being sold to them as “AA” “Secured Bonds” really are debts of unemployed alcoholics.
Nevertheless, the bond prices continuously climb!!!, and the securities soon become the hottest-selling items for some of the nation’s leading brokerage houses.
One day, even though the bond prices still are climbing, a risk manager at the original local bank decides that the time has come to demand payment on the debts incurred by the drinkers at Helga’s bar. He so informs Helga.
Helga then demands payment from her alcoholic patrons, but being unemployed alcoholics they cannot pay back their drinking debts.
Since Helga cannot fulfil her loan obligations she is forced into bankruptcy. The bar closes and Helga’s 11 employees lose their jobs.
Overnight, DRINKBOND prices drop by 90%. The collapsed bond asset value destroys the bank’s liquidity and prevents it from issuing new loans, thus freezing credit and economic activity in the community.
The suppliers of Helga’s bar had granted her generous payment extensions and had invested their firms’ pension funds in the BOND securities.
They find they are now faced with having to write off her bad debt and with losing over 90% of the presumed value of the bonds.
Her wine supplier also claims bankruptcy, closing the doors on a family business that had endured for three generations, her beer supplier is taken over by a competitor, who immediately closes the local plant and lays off 150 workers. Fortunately though, the bank, the brokerage houses and their respective executives are saved and bailed out by a multibillion dollar no-strings attached cash infusion from the government.
The funds required for this bailout are obtained by new taxes levied on employed, middle-class, non-drinkers who’ve never been in Helga’s bar.
Now do you understand?

sorry where is the free beer?

I'll pay you tuesday for a beer today!!!!

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Decals by JT
http://www.decals-by-jt.com



My GH AP System
http://www.backyardaquaponics.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=18&t=5259&start=0

That's gold, now I completely understand what went on.

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UpNorth

Very rarely when the ship misses the harbor is it the harbors fault.

And God created Melbourne

God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel,
found him, resting on the seventh day.

He inquired, "Where have you been?"

God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds,
"Look, Michael. Look what I've made."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God, and I've put life on it. I'm going
to call it Earth and it's going to be a place to test 'Balance.'"

"Balance?" inquired Michael, "I'm still confused."

God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth. "For example,
northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth,
while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over here I've placed a
continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people.
Balance in all things."

God continued pointing to different countries. "This one will be
extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area
and said, "What's that one?"

"That's Melbourne, the most glorious place on earth. There are
beautiful trees and gardens a beautiful river, and days filled with
sunshine. The people from Melbourne are going to be handsome, modest,
intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to travel the world.
They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, carriers
of peace, and producers of good things."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, "But what
about balance, God? You said there would be 'balance.'"

God smiled, "I will create Canberra
Wait till you see the idiots I put there."

OLD VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and
laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.
The grasshopper has no food or shelter,
so he dies out in the cold.

MORAL OF THE OLD STORY:

Be responsible for yourself!



MODERN VERSION: The Australian ant works hard in the withering heat and the rain all summer long, building his house
and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while he is cold and starving.

The ABC TV 0, 7, 9 , and 10 News Live show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with
a table filled with food. The country is aghast by the sharp contrast.

How can this be, that in a country of such wealth as Australia, this poor grasshopper is
allowed to suffer so?

Bob Brown appears on the ABC with the grasshopper and everybody cries ..

The Greens Party and AWU stage a demonstration in front of the ant's house where all the news stations film the group singing, Join us comrades we shall overcome.

Green Party Leader Bob Brown condemns the ant and calls an urgent meeting with Julia Gillard on the plight of the Grasshopper. Both
blame Tony Abbott, Julie Bishop, Joe Hockey and Barnaby Joyce , Capitalism and Global warming for the grasshopper's plight.
Bob Brown exclaims in an interview with TV News that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper,
and calls on Julia Gillard for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

Finally to gain votes in the hope of winning the next election , the Government drafts the Economic Equity CDT Anti- Ant Act,
retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

The ant is fined for failing to consider how his hard work and preparation has affected the Grasshoppers Mana and,
having nothing left to pay his retroactive CDT taxes, his home is confiscated under the Governments Land Repo Act and given to the grasshopper.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper and his free-loading friends finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government confiscated house he is in, which, as you recall, just happens to be the ant’s old house, crumbles around them because the grasshopper doesn't maintain it.

The ant has disappeared to India to start work afresh CDT free, never to be seen again.

The grasshopper is found dead in a Drugs related incident, and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of Homeboy spiders who terrorize the once prosperous and peaceful, neighborhood.



MORAL OF THE STORY:


Be careful how you vote in 2013


I've sent this to you because
I believe that you are an ant!

You may wish to pass this on to other ants, but don't bother sending it on to any grasshoppers because they wouldn't understand it, anyway.

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ArBe
My Home System
My Country Backyard
My Suburban Backyard

One of my favourite stories as a child.

The modern day one sounds vaguely familiar though...

_________________
Aquarium System
IBC System
Blog

[quote="arbe"]

MODERN VERSION: The Australian ant works hard in the withering heat and the rain all summer long, building his house
and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. [quote="arbe"]

The thing you forgot to mention

1. All characters mentioned are ants.
2. We will always have grasshoppers
3. The ants only got to keep 13% of the supplies
4. All the rest of the supplies were taken away by parasites.
5. The parasites convinced everybody to blame the grasshoppers or each other.
6. The ants and grasshoppers owned all the supplies in the first place.


MORAL OF THE STORY:

The ant that said we should be able to keep 40% of the supplies has been proved right!

Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

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IBC system
Bigger system
Greenhouse system
Horsham Aquaponics

Financial Humor---as well as being factual!!!

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.